TO BE TRUE TO ONESELF

Jeg har længe gerne ville skrive dette indlæg, men det er først nu, at jeg rigtig føler mig tryg og bekvemt ved at sætte ord på mine tanker. Efterhånden nærmer jeg mig afslutningen af min kandidat og jeg begynder at kunne mærke angsten for, at jeg for første gang i mit liv ikke har en plan. Når venner og bekendte spørger mig hvad jeg gerne vil lave efter mit studie, kan jeg mærke hvordan min hjerne arbejder på højtryk for at skifte emne. Det handler ikke om, at jeg ikke har drømme og mål. For mig handler det om, at jeg har svært ved at stå frem og fortælle mine nære og kære om mine drømme i skræk for, at de skal dømme mig bag min ryg.

Med tiden har jeg måtte erkende, at jeg er min egen værste fjende. Jeg lader mig begrænse af frygten for mine venners og families holdninger til mig i stedet for at tænke, at hvis de kan lide mig, vil de forhåbentlig også støtte mig i at nå mine mål og drømme. Ønsker vi ikke det bedste for dem vi holder af?

Måske ikke altid… Med tiden har jeg også måtte erkende, at nogle af mine venner har svært ved at ønske det bedste for mig. Jeg tror ikke, at det har noget med mig personligt at gøre, men at det er en meget dansk ting at være kritiske og negative. Jeg ved, at jeg langt fra er den eneste som har følt, at vennerne ikke rigtig støttede i starten, men så snart folk fik succes ville alle gerne være med.

//I have long wanted to write this post, but it is only now that I really feel safe and comfortable putting words to my thoughts. Gradually, I approach the end of my graduate and I begin to feel the anxiety that, for the first time in my life, I do not have a plan. When friends and acquaintances ask me what I would like to do after my studies, I can feel how my brain works at high pressure to change subject. It’s not about me not having dreams and goals. For me, it’s about having a hard time standing up and telling my near and dear ones about my dreams in fear that they will judge me behind my back.

Over time, I have had to admit that I am my own worst enemy. I let myself be limited by the fear of my friends’ and family’s attitudes towards me instead of thinking that if they like me, they will hopefully also support me in achieving my goals and dreams. Do we not wish the best for those we care about?

Maybe not always … Over time, I have also had to admit that some of my friends have a hard time wishing the best for me. I do not think that it has anything to do with me personally, but that it is a very Danish thing to be critical and negative. I know I’m far from the only one who has felt that friends did not really support in the beginning, but as soon as people were successful, everyone wanted to join.

Til trods for, at det er meget ubekvemt for mig at blive spurgt ind til min fremtid, har det også gjort, at jeg har været tvunget til at mærke efter hvad der faktisk gør mig glad. Ikke den umiddelbare glæde ved at folk kan lide mig, glæde ved at tjene penge eller glæde ved at folk anser min karriere som succesfuld, men glæden inden i mig. Jeg har altid haft en kreativ side samt en side, hvor jeg har brug for at udtrykke mig samtidig med at jeg altid har forsøgt at gemme den væk. Da jeg var yngre skjulte jeg, at jeg gik til klaver, sang, ballet og at jeg kunne lide at male – det var ikke noget jeg var stolt over, fordi jeg vidste at mine venner ville synes at “jeg prøvede at være noget, som jeg ikke var”. I dag kan jeg blive helt ked af tanken om, at jeg har skjult så mange sider af mig selv og at jeg ikke bare kunne være som jeg er.

I en alder af snart 27 år er jeg endnu ikke der, men jeg er bevidst om, at jeg har ansvaret for at få mine egne drømme til at gå i opfyldelse og at jeg må være tro mod mig selv for at kunne være glad. Med babystep bevæger jeg mig mod et punkt, hvor jeg kan være stolt over min blog, turde lægge billeder op på min instagram, fortælle mine venner og familie om mine drømme og give en langefinger til dem som ikke ønsker mig succes.

Jeg er stolt over mig selv, at jeg langt om længe har taget mig mod til at skrive dette.

I hører snart fra mig igen – kram

//Despite the fact that it is very inconvenient for me to be asked into my future, it has also meant that I have been forced to feel for what actually makes me happy. Not the immediate joy of people liking me, the joy of making money, or the joy of people considering my career successful, but the joy within me. I have always had a creative side as well as a side where I need to express myself while always trying to hide it away. When I was younger I hid that I went to piano, singing, ballet and that I liked to paint – it was not something I was proud of because I knew my friends would think that “I was trying to be something that I was not “. Today, I can get completely upset at the thought that I have hidden so many sides of myself and that I could not just be who I am.

At the age of almost 27, I am not there yet, but I am aware that I have the responsibility to make my own dreams come true and that I must be true to myself in order to be happy. With babystep, I move towards a point where I can be proud of my blog, dare to post pictures on my instagram, tell my friends and family about my dreams and give a long finger to those who do not wish me success.

I’m proud of myself that I’ve finally got the courage to write this.

You will hear from me again soon – hugs

0 replies

Leave a Reply

Want to join the discussion?
Feel free to contribute!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *